5 Tried and True Tips Guaranteed to Boost Your Typing Speed
Posted on November 29, 2007
Filed Under Humor | 4 Comments
I type fast.
In fact, I type so fast that it seems to defy all natural laws of the universe. Did you hear that? It’s a Sonic Boom, as my sausage-like fingers dance flawlessly over the keyboard.
I can manipulate the keys with nimble dexterity, and all the grace of a knee to the groin. In fact, thanks to the cosmic ironies of moving faster than the speed of light, I am now younger than I was at the beginning of this post.
I’m supercalifragilisticexpiali-d’oh! Fast.
Now, I know not everyone is a skilled enough typist to punch through their paragraphs at the blistering pace of nearly 6 words per minute, but these tactile tips should help you put on the path to computing competence.
To help with visual aids, I have hired the services of the best illustrator on the web (that I could afford).
Sit in a comfortable position. This should seem obvious, but I can tell you from personal experience that hanging upside down off the chair is not conducive to writing.
Use your fingers. While it’s certainly fun to clack away at the keyboard using your nose, tongue, penis, or various other bodily protrusions, I’m sure you will find that your fingers provide greater accuracy, dexterity, and efficiency.
Use both hands. I realize having one hand down on your pants is standard posture for Internet usage, and can be a highly pleasurable, however, by using both hands to type, you can more than double your productivity.
Practice touch typing. No! I said touch typing. You’ve already practiced touching yourself more than necessary. I recommend getting an inexpensive or free tutorial program to start. Anything that teaches proper hand and finger placement should be adequate.
No, your fingers don’t go there! I think we’ve already covered this.
By following these simple suggestions, your typing ability can go from suck to blow, as it zooms full throttle towards ludicrous speed.
Remember, the faster you type, the sooner you can get to surfing pr0n, and that’s really why the internet exists in the first place.
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4 Responses to “5 Tried and True Tips Guaranteed to Boost Your Typing Speed”
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Heh. You type fast. heh.
I’ve never surfed pr0n.
hmm no hankies, socks, or hand creme? What is he, the no-frills porn surfer or something?
That one guy has a penis in his mouth…
RT, well, you’re not a guy, but I still question the veracity of your claim.
Chris, Indeed he is. Frills take longer to draw.
Von, it’s called a tongue!