The following is graciously submitted by RF of Renal Failure. RF is a Humor-Blogs.com member. Also be sure to check out his Bloggers Speak: Interview with RF.

Lesson 17a: “The Devil Mixes His Lies with the Truth

Humor, like the Pirate Code, doesn’t really have binding laws. Except for: “Be funny.” Other than that, any rules of humor you hear about are more of a set of guidelines that are mostly helpful to follow.

Like the Rule of Three. It’s always three guys at the gates of heaven or three guys walk into a bar. This doesn’t mean something can’t be funny with two or four people, but for the most part you can’t go wrong with three.

Truth in Comedy

Another helpful guideline can be found in the book “The Truth in Comedy,” written by the masters of the improv craft at Second City in Chicago. Its main thrust is that what makes something funny (a story, a performance, whatever) is that there’s truth behind it.

Think about the funniest stories you know. They’re all true stories from your life or someone else’s life. There may be some elaborations, but mainly it’s truthful reactions and truthful responses tapped by the writer or performer that make it funny and worthwhile to experience.

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to not only being funny, but being entertaining as well.

The truth, and comedy for that matter, should be like a good bowel movement. It should come out easy with no straining, because forcing it leaves you with hemorrhoids and blood in your stool.

Except if you strain or try to hard in comedy you’ll find there’s not only blood in your stool but that everyone can see it and they also think you’re not funny. And that’s not a problem that fiber supplements or Preparation H can readily fix.

Lies in Comedy

So if there is Truth in Comedy and Comedy in Truth, what about lies? Logic would seem to dictate that lies are not funny. That’s wrong. Lies are hilarious.

A priest, a rabbi, and the Dali Llama never went golfing together. The movie “Blazing Saddles” is not a documentary or based off a true story. And the Polish Navy has never constructed a submarine with screen windows.

Interesting paradox, right? Not really, because humor is not science. It doesn’t have to abide by the laws of physics or thermodynamics. And it only has to have a passing acquaintance with logic.

How can the truth and lies both be funny? Ask yourself which lies are the most effective? If you said “what are the lies that sound a lot like the truth?” then you’re correct and you can pick again from the Jeopardy board.

Let’s look at my blog, Renal Failure. It says right on my banner “The blog of wild fabrications and outright lies.” So right off the bat I’m telling you I’m lying, but I’m being truthful about it.

And while I might not actually have a half-cyborg cat or a ninja as drinking buddies, there are nuggets of truth in those stories that keep it accessible for the reader. I’m being honestly dishonest.

Entertainment is Key

For the most part, the truth is funny. But lies in the service of truth can be just as funny. This is not a rule, just a helpful guideline, and your experience may differ depending on how adept you are at the craft.

Or maybe everything I just told you is a lie. Could be, but you did enjoy yourself anyway, right? And thus I’ve managed to adhere to the “Be Funny” rule, which is the only rule that needs to be followed.

Next time, we’ll discuss whether or not unfunny people are more likely to develop bowel cancer. The answer may surprise you.

I offer my thanks to RF, whose generosity is outweighed only by his ability to spin wild and entertaining tales.

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Since I started MattressPolice.com about a year and a half ago, I’ve written a lot of different kinds of humor pieces.

It’s been sort of an ongoing experiment, and I’ve gradually settled into a more-or-less consistent style, which is the Essay that Pretends to Have a Serious Point But Really is Just a String of Bizarre Digressions That Somehow Ends Up Basically Where It Started.

There are certainly a lot of other ways to write funny stuff, but I thought I’d try to write a primer to writing a Diesel-esque post for those of you who wonder how you might go about writing something like that.

Of course, if you’ve never visited my site before, you may want to read a couple of my posts to find out whether I even know what that hell I’m talking about. Some good examples of this kind of post are:

• Human Inertia
• Urine Trouble Now
• Too Much to Bear

Ok, so hopefully you read a couple of those and you’re thinking, “Gosh, those are hilarious. I’d love to write crap like that.”

Or not. Whatever. Anyway, here’s the process, more or less.

1. Come up with a couple of funny one-liners or jokes.

I know, this seems like a semi-retarded bit of advice, but you’d be amazed how many people write a “humorous” post without any jokes in it. They come up with what they think is a funny idea, and then they stretch that into a post. Booooring.

You should have at least 2 jokes.* It doesn’t even matter if they have anything to do with each other, because of the magic of Point 2.

2. Devise a narrative.

This is the “story” that you’re telling with your post. How the hell do I do that? You ask. Simple, I respond. Put your first joke at the beginning of the story. Put your second joke at the end of the story. Now write some semi-coherent drivel that gets you from Joke 1 to Joke 2.

If Joke 1 and Joke 2 are completely unrelated, your post will be even funnier, because you’re going to have to write some really weird stuff to connect the two. If you’re lucky, Joke 3 and maybe 4 and 5 will spring up magically while you’re trying to connect 1 and 2.

3. Write an ending.

Now you’ve got 2 jokes with some weird stuff in the middle. Great. The problem is that if you end the post there, people will feel like they’ve just read 2 jokes with some weird stuff in the middle. You need to tack on an ending that somehow ties the rest of the post together.

The best way to do this is to reiterate joke 1 in a slightly different way. For example in my Human Inertia post, the last line is a reference to a joke that I made at the beginning of the post, about my boss’s love for PowerPoint presentations. In comedy, that’s known as a callback, and it’s pure gold.

It magically gives a point to any string of semi-coherent drivel you throw together. To your reader, it will seem like your whole post was leading up to that conclusion. Also, it’s a cue to the reader that the post is over. If you don’t provide a satisfactory conclusion, it won’t matter how much the reader enjoyed the first part.

It will be like 45 minutes of hot sex that ends with you watching an episode of the Golden Girls.

4. Smooth out your transitions

So that it’s not quite so obvious that you stuck 2 jokes together and then re-told the first one. Make it feel like a story. Don’t fill it with all kinds of unnecessary (boring) detail; just make sure the jokes don’t feel forced.

In fact, your goal should be to make the jokes not feel like jokes. We’re going for subtlety here, people. If you say something completely insane and then follow it up with the statement “I know, I’m so CRAZY!!!”, you just sucked all the laughs out of your joke.

But if you say 2 completely normal things, one spoon-bitingly insane thing, and then another normal thing, BAM! Instant humor. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, but not nearly as stupid because – Hello, they’re fish! Just knock the barrel over and you’ll save bullets.

5. Edit for punch.

Ideally a joke comes from out of nowhere and hits the reader in the gut before they have a chance to even see it coming. Fast is funny. The punchline should be as far to the end of a sentence as possible, and use as few words as possible. For example, in my Human Inertia post I wrote:

Human Inertia was my direct supervisor, which meant that I spent a lot of time explaining my job to him and walking around him.

Which is a pretty decent joke. A lousy joke, expressing the exact same sentiment, would be:

Human Inertia was my direct supervisor, which meant that I spent a lot of time walking around him and explaining my job to him.

Can’t you just feel the humor potential leaking out of the sentence as you stumble through that second dependent clause? It’s physically painful. And don’t telegraph your jokes. For example:

Human Inertia, my direct supervisor, was always getting in my way in one sense or another. I spent a lot of time explaining my job to him and walking around him

If a reader sees a joke coming, it’s like waiting for a bus. Dammit, when is that joke getting here? Oh, here it is. Ha ha. Friggin’ hilarious.

I know you’re probably wondering, “Is this really the process Diesel goes through to write one of his posts?” Honestly? No. There’s no process. But this is as close to a process as I can come up with.

It’s really more of a way to avoid some of the common mistakes of humor writing. If I can keep one person from stretching one halfway decent joke into a 500 word post, or telegraphing a joke three sentences in advance, or writing a post that ends with me beating off to Rue McLanahan, then this has been worth my time.

*Hopefully you’ve got a couple of funny ideas floating around your head. Funny stuff that your kid said, lyrics that you misheard, wacky product ideas you’ve come up with, quips, one-liners, whatever. If you can’t come up with 2 funny ideas, you should probably go knit a sweater or something.

Thanks to Diesel for writing this outstanding entry. Don’t forget to buy his book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police.

If you are interested in contributing to Humor Blogging, please email me through the contact page.

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When the band sticks the ice cream cones to their heads, it’s just classic.

One of my favorite lines is “You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wipple’s not around.” This is great for those of us that remember the “don’t squeeze the Charmin” ads. It works because we are familiar with the reference. Did anyone really believe that there was such great pleasure in squeezing and sniffing toilet paper?

When I was done laughing myself into convulsions, I started to think of the video through the lens of the 2 of 6 rule of humor. Unlike many of Weird Al’s parodies, Dare to Be Stupid was based more stylistically than from a specific popular song. The artist that is being parodied is Devo.

Devo is Dead. Long Live Devo.

Screencap from Jocko Homo

Devo is interesting because they were really “one hit wonders,” in the mainstream, but developed a large cult following, and were highly influential among musicians. Frontman Mark Mothersbaugh also has continued a very successful post-Devo career, composing music for the Rugrats, plus numerous movies, video games, and commercials.

Another interesting aspect of Weird Al’s parody is that it’s a parody of a satire. Devo dressed in odd uniforms and played with a mechanical style that frequently contained harsh, atonal sounds. Their videos featured plastic, robotic looking and acting characters as a social commentary against conformity. Weird Al has a great sense of humor.

Devo combined ridicule with bizarre sounds and imagery in a clever way to criticize mainstream society. I count 4 of 6 on the 2 of 6 scale:

• Cruel – Ridicule, mockery of mainstream society.
• Bizarre – Sounds, imagery, movements.
• Clever – Taking conformity to it’s extreme to demonstrate absurdity.
• Familiar – Mainstream society is the target of ridicule.

I don’t think it’s in doubt that they nailed bizarre. It’s also plenty cruel. Calling people fake, plastic, mindless, mechanical zombies is pretty harsh. So there’s really no debating that they hit at least 2 of 6.

However, more than a few people would respond to Devo’s intentions with a puzzled look. Some even thought they were advocating conformity.

We’re laughing at you, not with you

Screencap From Corporate Anthem

For cruelty to work, the audience needs to not identify with the target, and it helps if the audience feels a sense that the ridicule is deserved. Turning the majority of the population into a target may easily strip a point off the equation.

That limits the audience appeal greatly, because it wasn’t people on a fringe being criticized, but the vast middle. It’s definitely appealing to teenagers struggling to identify themselves as separate individuals from their parents, and questioning everything they’ve been taught all their lives. It’s no wonder that their following was of the “cult” variety.

Another question lies in whether taking conformity to an absurd level is clever. If the audience thinks it’s clever, then it hits. If not, then it fails. Finally, even though the familiar element is a giant demographic, even that can miss. Clearly many failed to understand what the target of the commentary even was. Maybe it was actually too bizarre.

So you can see how, based on your assessment, Devo can fall anywhere from 1 of 6, resulting in a puzzled reaction, to 4 of 6, which is pretty funny.

Weird Al’s video is a parody of Devo. He took their motif of mechanical, plastic people, odd style, and jerky movements, and ratcheted it up a few more notches.

Let’s look at the video with respect to the 2 of 6 rule of humor.

• Bizarre – It had to be bizarre to be a parody of Devo.
• Cruel – Mockery ridicule, but actually milder than the criticism that Devo directed at their target.
• Clever – Taking Devo’s methods to an even further extreme, and stripping the context of social commentary.
• Familiar – Devo is the target.

Appealing to the Masses

I think Dare to be Stupid has a broader appeal than Devo. As I said at the beginning, it’s absolutely hilarious to me. It hits 4 of 6 by my measure, but you don’t get the full effect without knowing enough about Devo to know that as the origin of the parody. It makes up for the familiarity deficiency by using common sayings and cliches. However, without knowing what it’s a parody of, doesn’t that strip the (even mild) cruelty of it?

There’s no debating the bizarre element. So, the final question is whether or not it’s clever. In my opinion, Weird Al goes through the roof with cleverness. The way he strings together cliches and common sayings (often reversed) one right after another, in ways that actually have a flow is flat out brilliant.

It’s as if Weird Al is responding to Devo by saying, “OK. We get that following what others do or what you’ve learned from your parents/school/church can be dumb if you don’t challenge your beliefs, but non-conformity for the sake of non-conformity is – well – stupid.

On one hand, he tips his hat to Devo. It’s clear he’s acknowledging that following convention can be stupid:

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party ’till you’re broke and they drive you away
It’s OK, you can dare to be stupid

It also shows how he realizes there’s plenty of good conventional wisdom as well.

Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you can chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid

Weird Al pushes both extremes against each other, noting that both have their deficiencies. Somewhere in the middle is the path of non-stupidity.

What do you say? Is Dare to be Stupid confusing, mildly amusing, hilarious? How does it score for you, and why?

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Humor-Blogs.com always dares to be stupid.

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I think it can, but in order to use the 2 of 6 rule of humor, we must first understand what it is. I quickly mentioned this topic when I explained why I started Humor Blogging. Now, I would like to explore it more in depth.

As far as I know, Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, created this rule to explain the difference between what is funny, and what falls short. The idea is that if you hit 2 of the categories solidly enough, it’s funny.

The higher you score, the funnier it is. He consciously uses this rule when he writes, looking at what is present, and what could be added to score higher.

What goes into each of these broad categories? This is by no means a complete list. In fact, my own personal weakness for the “cute” and “bizarre” categories is something I need your help in further understanding.

My own persona style leans more toward “Naughty” and “Cruel,” but that’s just my taste, and other styles are perfectly valid.

Let’s take a look at what fits into each category.

The 2 of 6 Rule of Humor

Cute is anything that evokes the “Awwww” response. I don’t know how to express it more than that. Here are some of the things that may be considered cute:

• Puppies
• Kittens
• Children
• Furry Critters
• Associated with children
• Associated with pets

Clever makes the audience think, “I never would have thought of that.” It’s the aspect of pure originality and creativity. Here are some examples:

• Metaphors
• Analogies
• Alliteration
• Heurisms
• Made up jargon
• Wordplay
• Exaggeration
• Surprise
• Flip
• Timing/Pause

Cruel is anything that’s unpleasant to the “victim.” It can range from mildly unpleasant to flat out brutal. Some things which are Cruel are:

• Ridicule
• Mockery
• Humilitation
• Sarcasm
• Violence
• Threatened violence
• Death
• Slapstick

Familiar is what is known to the audience. Choosing a pop culture icon will appeal to a broad audience, while choosing something more exclusive yeilds an inside joke. Here are a few things that are familiar:

• Pop Culture
• Celebrities
• Political Figures
• Popular Trends
• Stereotypes

Bizarre is the opposite of familiar in some ways, but it’s not entirely the opposite of familiar. Unless I set it up to be so, my step-daughter is not familiar to you, but that doesn’t make her bizarre. It’s the opposite of familiar more in the sense of being unnatural or even against our conceptions of nature. Some qualities include:

• Odd
• Quirky
• Unusual
• Weird
• Very different from ordinary
• Unexpected

Naughty is the class of things that are taboo, or at least not appropriate in polite company. Examples include:

• Crude Humor
• Profanity
• Toilet Humor
• Penis Jokes
• Fart Jokes
• Gross
• Sexual Innuendo
• Overt Sexuality

You can probably see my weakness in describing the Cute and Bizarre categories.

What humor devices did I miss, and where do you think they should fit? Do you disagree with where I have placed anything? Should the 2 of 6 rule of humor have more categories? Should it have fewer? Should it be a 3 of 6 rule? What are your thoughts?

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